I'm not really sure where to start with this whole thing. My goal is for this blog to be opposite-Sabra. I had a co-worker once that referred to me as optimistically pessimistic. (Naturally I later wrote a short-story and used that as a title). I translate that to mean I'm pretty positive things will go to shit. I want to change my thinking with this blog. I want to be less negative. I want to not sweat the small stuff. I want to battle my anxiety disorder. It's going to be hard and I'm probably going to babble sometimes. Then I'll make up for it later with radio silence.
I'm going to start by not focusing on my failures. That means this week I get to congratulate myself on going to a mixer. When I'm not writing or spending time with my husband and cats I have a real life job as an Executive Assistant. I was recently asked to join a group of other EA's and they held a mixer this past Wednesday. In order to attend I had to leave the apartment. Willingly. I actually opted for human interaction. And if that isn't surprising enough, I had a good time. I made connections. And I got to hear about how important my position is, how important I am. I barely slept that night because I was so over-stimulated. Thursday was a bit of a nightmare. But I kept reminding myself that I stepped outside my comfort zone the night before. That I actually did something. And now I kind of want to keep doing things. I'm going to focus more on being thankful. I know that seems like a trend right now - showing gratitude. But I'm not sure how that's a bad thing. Today I'm grateful for the little things. Like my twenty pound cat lying on the ottoman in front of me. And the sirloin in the fridge that I'll be having for dinner. Nom... I like food a little too much. In spite of all of this I'm still anxious right now. The anxiety sits in the pit of my stomach, clenching and unclenching, sometimes making me nauseous. A little light-headed. Today, I don't know the reason why. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I can't breathe right. But the important thing for me to remember is that I was successful this week. I am successful. In everything I do.
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